Talk:Believe (1)/@comment-4422267-20140709044032
God, if Luke and Neil get away with it, I will be beyond pissed. But if they do, I wouldn't be surprised. I know this personally. This may not be the best to say it online, but this story line hits right on homebase with me. And I feel the need to say it because of all the feelings I am having. Back when I was 4 years old, I was sexually abused by a family relative. I won't go into too much graphic detail, but he made me watch adult films and movies with him so that by the time I was six years old, I knew what a male looked like naked and what sex involved doing. I can remember when I played Barbie and dolls with my cousin at that age, I'd have Ken do stuff to Barbie based on what I saw and freaked her out so much. But to me, that was normal, I guess you can say. The abuse stopped for a short while, but it started back up again when I was 10 when my parents would drop me and my brother at his house to baby-sit us and this time... well, let me just say this, he took me back to his bedroom and it's just one great big black tunnel for me from there on out. Due to the high level of shock and trauma I experienced during the assaults, I have a repressed memory of the events occuring even to this day. I cannot remember anything that takes place in his bedroom at all period. I was explained how I likely couldn't psychologically handle the trauma because of how young I was and my mind blocked it out in order for me to cope. All I can remember is me being in his room (always so damn dark since he kept three layers of blankets on his windows - not curtains, ''blankets ''- first layer a sheet, the second plastic blinds and the third a wool blanket). Then him looking at me with what I now realize is a look of sick lust on his face, closing the door, coming up to me and telling me to get on the bed. Then afterwards, at the end of that tunnel, just me sitting on the couch with my pelvis hurting and my little brother on the floor watching Nickelodeon or Disney shows and HIM in the kitchen sorting through his card deck. But despite having amnesia of the abuse, I took a drastic downward spin in my personality. (Even if I couldn't remember the abuse, the effects were still the same emotionally, you can look up "repressed memory" online for the info.) I was no longer the happy go lucky girl I used to be and began to become withdrawn and mute, no longer all smiles and chipper like I used to be. I literally would go days without smiling and just became so depressed all the time. I used to be popular at school because I loved socializing with everyone any anyone, but I stopped talking to anyone, got branded a mute by the teachers and student body and just began to isolate myself and the girls calling me a freak for my abrupt change. When kids and teachers would bully me for my strange behavior, I just took it with an expressionless look on my face. My parents would struggle to figure out what the hell happened to their happy little girl, but while my dad suspected this relative did something to me, putting the pieces together with my behavior whenever the guy came over and how I would freak out and lock myself in my room, my mom remained in denial. She refused to even so much as consider something like that happening to me, her little girl. By the time I was 13, I began cutting myself, experimenting with things I regret to this day and got into so much trouble because I began hanging out with the wrong crowd just to have some friends (who nearly got me kicked out of school for laughs and the principal nearly calling the cops on me because of their prank, but didn't because he knew me and how I was), my parents were ready to yank out their hair. Eventually, they found out what HE did to me because I began to have nightmares and flashbacks in my sleep of HIM raping me about every other night and I soon tried to commit suicide, which my mom walked in on me trying to do. (I won't go into detail of what the scenes are.) Pressing charges against him and knowing being in public school was only making it harder, they yanked me out of public school, enrolled me in online schooling and put me into therapy to get me back on track again. The investigation, therapy and trial went on for about 2-3 years because of how sloppy the police were doing their work and just didn't care. My dad ended up doing most of the work himself. As we dug into the guy's past, I found out how he had been doing this since the 1970's and tons of people have pressed charges before for him raping and molesting little girls, including his own daughters and mentally handicap girls and kids, but the cops never went beyond that because they just didn't bother with it. I was soon diagnosed with having contracted an STD as a result of the abuse that could only happen through direct sexual contact, an incurable one on top of it (but non-fatal, just for the record). My therapist was horrible. She was assigned to bring back my memories in order to help the trial, but began insisting to me that my flashbacks weren't real and that nothing happened to me and my parents were only doing this for money and "implanting" the idea that I was raped into my head and bluntly told me that I shouldn't trust my family. But I knew that I was indeed raped and told my parents about it. My mother ''royally ''bitched her out in public hard enough to make my dad squirm and got me a new and better therapist to help me out. I began to find solace in life by expressing my pain and suffering through reading and writing and even achieved a high level in literature and and English than my average age group. I had to put up with things like when I tried to warn kids at school about HIM (since he lived down the street from our school) about it, I was told that I must have liked "having sex with him" because I never said anything about it and "protected" him and being branded a liar for attention. But I never allowed it to get to me. Eventually, when we went trial when I was 15, about two years after my folks pressed charges, I had a feeling he was going to get away with it. On the stand, I did the best I could and explained how the abuse affected me and what it was like having to grow up and wonder whether or not you're even a virgin, but the judge didn't even so much as listen to me or any of his other victims on stand. HIS lawyer pissed me off so much. One of the first questions he asked was if I was sure I didn't consent to having sex with HIM and tried saying I got the STD I had from sleeping with other boys, (but my lawyer quickly objected to that and went on how I was only 15 and had a reputation for the complete opposite in school and town). We couldn't even get the press involved because the judge said if we did, the case would get thrown out altogether. I was so tempted to leak it somehow, so everyone would know about HIM, but didn't want to risk it. By the end of it, the judge said how he blamed my parents on it because they could have prevented it if they wanted to and found my wording to be too "mature" for a girl of my age and believed I was reciting a script given to me and that he would set HIM free. I later overheard my parents talking to our lawyer about it, and he said how he realized he got away with it because of the charges that have been brought against HIM for decades and because they didn't want to look bad, they were going to insists HE was innocent to spare themselves bad town publicity. I then watched HIM walk off free with a smile on his face as he passed me. Even though I knew it would happen, I still felt furious. The only reassurance I got was that I was literally the only one with the courage to go all the way charging and facing the asshole in trial unlike any of his previous victims did. Ever since then, I've moved on in my life. I still get affected once in awhile with hearing such similar cases such as this one, but I still refused to let the past keep my back from my future. Sorry about the long post, but I just needed to get that off my chest. Oh, and I wrote a book suggested by my later therapist, Donna, to help me cope. Here's a link to the eBook website Wattpad where I am posting the original novel I wrote when I was 13 and going through it all. Donna strongly suggested I do it because she said it could help me and it did. It's called BEHIND THESE EYES. It's not the exact and precise events that happened since I couldn't go through with that. So, I came up with a story about a girl around my age at the time going through with being raped and having to cope with living with it and no one believing her. While the story itself is a work of fiction, a lot the events that happened in the book are inspired by what I myself went through and felt personally. The emotion of the girl is what I felt. Some of the scenes are even what I went through with my parents and the school body. I'm actually hoping to one day get it published. I hope I don't seem like I'm trying to promote myself on here, everything I said is 100% true. But, people reading the story would help me a lot since it's my dream in having my voice heard publically and this story being heard (despite the grammar errors and whatnot since I was 13 when I wrote it). With no one to stop me whatsoever. http://www.wattpad.com/user/HazelEyes14